ABC news CORP

Viagra Helps Overstressed Women: Study

2008-07-23T06:24:00.000-07:00

A recent study by ABC news corp shows that Viagra actually helps women who are stressed out to recover and get back to their feet again.

98% of the 1000 women who took part in the studies said that their psychological condition has actually improved after taking a pill every night before they sleep.

Most of the women experienced headaches, flushing and indigestion but none of them withdrew from the trial because of side effects. Instead they turned to doctors, whom gave them prolonged medical leaves. (Editor: which might have made the women felt better!)

Kortex for men, anyone?

Dun Give Up, Ugly Men!

2008-07-15T09:10:00.001-07:00

The Editor would like to call out to follow compatriots - ugly men !

My Brothers! It doesnt matter if we fugly anymore!

When...

BECOMES~~~~~~~~~

TADA!!!!!

The Editor is Back, With More Crap!

2008-07-15T09:07:00.001-07:00

After taking some time to settle issues with his Navy stuff, the Editor has finally turned into ORD mood and feel operationally ready... to leave the farking Navy!

The New Amazing Adventures of Editor in Navy

2008-01-30T04:19:00.000-08:00

In the morning...

GY: E, you are only excused running, marching and jumping right? Tomorrow report to sports complex to help out in the mock IPPT training.

E: Yes, GY.

Later......

E: L, GY asked me to go sports complex to help out with IPPT training tomorrow.

L: Ok, I'll help you to ask C.

After sometime......

L: E, C says tomorrow you don’t have to go because of your back problem.

E: Ok.

Then...

E: GY, my C says I cannot go tomorrow because I've got back problems.

GY: What!? Ask you stand there serve drinks and count laps very difficult meh? I know you are
excused running marching jumping that’s why I didn't ask you to take part!

E: But GY, I don't mind going. Its my C who says cannot........

GY: (more scolding) blah! blah!blah! blah! blah!

E: Okok. I'll go ask C again.

Next...

E: C, regarding the mock IPPT training tomorrow GY needs me to be working party tomorrow.....

C: Ok lo go lo!

E: o.O??

The New Amazing Adventures Of Editor in Navy (Episode 3)

2008-01-23T04:09:00.001-08:00

Sometime back in Dec 07...

E: C, I'm on excuse guard duties till 18 Jan 08
C: Ok.

On 21 Jan 08, the first day C meets E in the office...
E: C, this is my new excuse slip taken with 1 on friday.
C: (looks), so now means you can perform guard duty lah?
E: Yes, C. It ended on 18 Jan.
C: (angrily) So why you never tell me your excuse ended? Trying to act blur right?

The New Amazing Adventures Of Editor in Navy (Episode 2)

2008-01-15T03:28:00.000-08:00

Day 1 (Fri) - Everyone was talking about Anniversary celebration to be held at Zoo on Mon.

Day 3 (Sun)

Mr. B: E, are you going to Zoo tomorrow? Half day and can go after lunch.
E : No one gave me any instructions yet. I think I'll ask C later.
Mr. B: Ok.

E: C, may I know if I'm supposed to report to office tomorrow?
C: Of course! Working hours as usual.
E: Yes C.

Day 4 (Mon)

E arrives at the office and sees no one.

E: C, there is no one at the office.
C: How come?
E: Today Anniversary. I think everyone went to celebration at Zoo.
C: Then how come you never check on Friday if there will be anyone at the office? You don't know today is Anniversary? ................... Now what? Trying to keng for twang right? Making trouble for me right?

Twang: Slack
Keng : Malingering

The New Amazing Adventures Of Editor in Navy (Episode 1)

2008-01-15T02:55:00.000-08:00

Legend has it that The Editor fell into the cluthes of Narvy during one of his darkest years. There, he screwed things up, and the people starting screwing him back. But the whole story started right after he fell, injured his back, and reported sick. And the people were really pissed at the status he got.

1. Excuse deck activities and sailing for 58 days from 3/1/08 till 29/2/08.
2. Excuse carrying heavy load of more than 3kg at one time.

For those of you still being tortured by the Garment (under?), you might be asking, 'heavy load heavy load lar., still 3kg? Keng until so detailed ah?'

Yeah, as requested from his chief, who, well, you know......

And by the way, here's a legend of the people who will be involved

C - Chief
L - Leading Personnel (simpler for you to understand)
P - Petty officer
1 - Dept Personnel no. 1
2 - Dept Personnel no. 2
3 - Dept Personnel no. 3

And so the story starts..

Day 1 - E reports sick. Gets the status (refer to above), informs C.
Day 3 - E, C and Coxswain at the office.

C (sarcastically): Where's your status slip? No need to hand in to Coxswain ah?
E: Orh, yes chief (hands in slip to Coxswain)

2 weeks later.

1: from C, 30-31th jan you are to sail with another ship
E: C, I'm excused sailing.
C: What?! How come I don't know?
E: (Tells C what happened on that day when E passed status slip to Coxswain)
C: So pass to Coxswain no need to show me lar? ............ So now how? You are out to make trouble for me right?

Billed Gates

2008-01-08T03:32:00.000-08:00

In another five years time, all mouses and keyboards will be replaced?!

According to Billed Gates, the rapid improving technology such as touchscreen will, in no time, replace the usual mouse and keyboard that you can find in all sets of computers.

Some changes that will be featured includes:
1. new styles of gaming - COUNTERSTRIKE - now you poke your enemies instead of clicking on them.

2. new password style - FINGERPRINTS - although this as already been introduced into some keyboards, it is believed that the technology will be more broadly used as a premier choice of password. (ABC NEWSCORP are currently moving into fingerguards market, as we believe finger-hunters will be on the rise now)

3. new types of interaction - FEEL - now you can feel objects online! regardless to buy stuff online, pat your pets that are miles away in another country, you can do it now!

Editor's Post Note - Think porn surfing will be vastly different already. Heh heh heh.........

We're Sorry!

2008-01-08T03:28:00.000-08:00

The Editorial Team would like to apologise for the wrong news that were provided earlier. This is due to the enormousically huge-gantic number of girlfriends that the Editor has. This should be the correct one.

CELEBRATION!

2007-12-22T17:48:00.000-08:00

ABC News Corp are announcing a two days off for everyone in Singapour in conjuction with the celebration of Editor finding a new GIRLFRIEND!

The two days are - 25th Dec 2007, 1st Jan 2008.

2007-12-18T21:35:00.000-08:00

Editor's ~~Foreplay~~ Forewords

It has certainly been some time since newstonight.blogspot.com. I recently just went through it, and i felt, damn! How did I manage to come up with such things at that point of time! I guess internship really killed my brain cells, thus resulting in such brainless works.
At this point of life, in the Navy, its just like internship. I've smoked through that 3 months of hell. Now its another 9 months of smoking through. That acting blur stunts that I've always tried to pull, didnt really work.
And I guess they wouldnt work anymore from this stage of life onwards.
You will never imagine how condemned I got. Waha! Few incidents that you might never imagine will happen.
1.When my whistle blowing is better than my counterpart (who has always done much better and my position in the ship is 'blur-fuck'), its the whistle that I am using is good. I am serious! This is what the 1SG said right in my face after I blew my part.
2.When my counterpart sends a wrongly drafted e-mail message, that particular 1SG said, again right my face, 'Wo Kan Ta Nian Send Dou Bu Gan Send'. Interpretation - 'from what I see he dont even dare to send'.
3.AGAIN that 1SG, when someone else offered me food, and reminded me to eat, i replied 'steady' twice to his two questions. That 1SG told me - do your task book and show me, I want to see. I said 'Orh'. And he replied - why you didnt say 'Steady'?
And there are lots of ridiculously unexplainable things. If you ask a question to confirm, you are asking a dumb question. If you dont ask and something goes wrong, they will pinpoint and question your ability and why you did not ask properly in the first place.
Its real bad. At the same time, I urge you people out there, treasure people around you. One good example would be Barrett. Waha. I dont mean to say he is a dog, but the example goes like this - Some people are like dogs that bite your clothes, you get pissed but at the end of the day you are still good friends and you enjoy his company. But you'd nvr say it. Thats me anyway. HAHA! But others dont bite your clothes. They appear harmless for one moment and before you know, they are chewing away at your ass. Look out for such people. I have met some at L'emzione, and needless to say, Navy, and RSS Resolution.
Less complaining, more serious stuff. I wouldnt say this would be my best blog, still preferring my first blog. But I am trying my best. Its hard to think lame-ly in such a tough environment.
Hope you guys enjoy newstonight3.
Editor

Taxi Fare Hike

2007-12-18T21:32:00.000-08:00

The Editorial Board has just revised the Taxi Fare system (AGAIN!). This is supposed to bring more benefits to taxi drivers, and at the same time disencourage people to take taxis.
"I think the people should have already been enlightened on what the Editorial Board is trying to implement. CEO is very expensive - dun own cars! Taxi fare goes up - not to take taxis...... end of the day i guess the people already know what we are trying to drive at - take SMART transport! Let the Editorial board earn! If not how are we going to overpay our military forces? If we cannot overpay them, no one is going to sign on and the Editorial board will have no manpower to manipulate!" says the Editor.

The fare changes are as follows

Boarding - $10
Body Parts
One Strand of Hair - $1
One Strand of Pubic Hair - $1
One Leg - $1
One Hand - $1
One Eyeball - $10
One Mouth - $20
One Nose - $10
Peak Hour - 50% x One Eyeball / 22 x (66 - Number of Hands) + 900 x (99 x Number of Hands)

However high the price has been jacked up to, according to the Editor, the relieving part is that passangers are allowed to take out their eyeballs or chop off their hands and legs etc, before entering the taxi.
"And dont try to cheat the taxi uncles of their money, they might just become crazy taxi."

XMAS COMING!

2007-12-16T01:47:00.000-08:00

On the twelve day of Christmas my eLLe comms gave to me
12 Sai Kangs
11 QM Duties
10 Times a Screwing
9 Confinements
8 Cold Looks
7 Sunset Parties
6 Stay Backs
5 Fire Drills
4 Dressing Downs
3 Scoldings
2 Confrontations
AND A C COMMS KAO BEI KAO BU!

Year of the Horse?

2007-12-10T19:28:00.000-08:00

Horsey was the Horse of the moment when he saved Chicky from drowning in the well this morning.
The new town's hero returned Chicky the favour dated two months back when Horsey himself was caught in the same situation and was saved by Chicky then. However the saving situation was rather different. Chicky drove a Mercedes and tugged Horsey out of the well.
Interestingly this time, Horsey did otherwise. he let his dick into the well, and let Chicky pull on it to get out.
Horsey said very proudly, 'you dont need a Mercedes to get Chicks'.

Editor To Take Over as New Englang Manager

2007-12-10T07:06:00.000-08:00

The Editor was appointed the new Englang national football team's manager by the Football Association of Englang this afternoon.

The decision was made as soon as the board saw the Editor's profile, which includes:
1. World Cup Holders, Team Singapour, 2010
2. European Champions League, PS1 Winning Eleven, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007
3. English Premiere League Title Holders Year 2100, Hull City, Football Manager 2008

To the surprise of many pundits, the Editor wrote of the challenges from reowned managers like Arse Wanker and Alex Birdie.

"Eh come on lar," said the Editor, "I am the one. One and only one k. That Josy Monono only know how to act only, no use one lar. See? Now also kana sack!"

New UPPT Program for All

2007-12-10T04:50:00.001-08:00

The new UPPT standards and requirements to attain for all ABC news Corp servicemen has now changed.

Anyhow Jump (Includes freestyle jumping. Equipements like bungee ropes are accepted)
21km - 5 points
21km - 4 points
21km - 3 points
21km - 2 points
21km - 1 points

Shuttle Bus Run (Requires testee to run after shuttle bus. Bus gets 10 mins headstart)
Attained - Jitao Pass UPPT
Failed - Fail means fail lar. Still see?!

Chin-ups (Testee not allowed to use hand. No equipments allowed either. Recommended to use legs, dicks etc)
10 Reps - 5 point
1 Rep - 1 point
Anything between 1 - 10 Reps = Fail

Sit-up (Head touching the crotch to count as 1 rep)
0 - 5points (shows that you are normal)
10 - 4 points (maybe you're rather flexible)
20 - 3 points (omg..)
30 - 2 points (o.O)
40 - 1 point (GO AWAY YOU FREAK!)

240000km run
2 years - 5 points
3 years - 4 points
4 years - 3 points
5 years - 2 points
Die and nvr be able to come back - 1 point (consolation)

New Work Incentives!

2007-12-10T04:50:00.000-08:00

ABC news Corp has just announced new incentives for their staff. The plan, which was drafted way back into 1901, was finally put into operations.

"The new work incentives," said the Editor, "will help our staff be more creative, and have more enthusiasm and pride in their work."

The Editor realised that his team hit a rock in their work, and thus decided that this newly established scheme would help in reviving ABC news Corp.

The new work incentive - "Work or get Fired".

Kim Ah-Joooooong Wins the Best Maid Loving Employer!

2007-12-09T08:26:00.001-08:00

Kim Ah-Joooooong was decided as the ‘Best Maid Loving Employer’ award in the Editor’s award of the year namelist.
The board came to such a decision after hearing her song <> which touched the hearts of the board and whom thus came to such a decision.
Mariiiaaa~~~

Human nature...

2007-12-09T08:25:00.001-08:00

A test on human nature was tried on 20 pairs of wives and husbands over the past month. Results were most interesting, according to the Editor.
The test sought to find out how much the couple loved each other, as well as to find out the different reactions between the man and woman. In the test itself, either party carries out the survey while the other was not aware when it was carried out. Either the husband or wife was given a loaded pistol and was asked to murder the other unsuspecting party.
Out of the 10 husbands, 9 went in for 5 minutes, and came out, saying, ‘I could never do such a thing!’ The last one went in and shot himself instead.
For the women side, 1 of 10 of them came out and returned the pistol back, claiming the same as what the 9 men did.
However, the interesting report came back saying, 9 women went into the room. Shots and screams were heard, as well and banging and knocking around. About 10 minutes later, the wife would come out, sweaty.
‘Damn! The gun contained blanks! I had to kill him with hammers and knives!

David Soccerfield Charged

2007-12-09T08:20:00.001-08:00

Magician David Soccerfield stunned the world last night when F.B.I.s reportedly (Free.Boliao.Idle) raided his house last night. Since then, the F.B.I.s have not disclosed any information, but the Editor has dug out some exclusives for you people out there.
The Editor said that the F.B.I.s managed to find out some magics, that the magician used to rape a 91 year old woman. It was also rumoured that the F.B.I.s were hot on Soccerfield’s tracks, but did not manage to catch him until last night, when Soccerfield ran out of mana and could not lothar or blink away.
Editor himself somehow managed to steal the magic somehow, and he will now reveal the magic trick that the magician used to rape the woman.
Look closely into his eyes…. The trick will work after you stare hard for 30 second

Carefully…

DO NOT SCROLL DOWN SO QUICKLY DAMN YOU!! PAY ATTENTION!
I knew it! You never listen to instructions!
Now…. Watch as it transforms…

You’ve been F-ed!!

Editor Grades The People

2007-12-09T08:16:00.000-08:00

The Editor shocked the whole sex industry this morning by revealing his secret plan that was lasted 12 months long – he personally went to bed with random Singaporians picked off the streets and graded them according to their skills.
According to the Editor, this grading system would help men and women judge the sexual capabilities of their partners in order to choose their lifelong partner correctly.
Gradings have just been given out to everyone at the same time of conference. People now can look at their NRICs or 11Bs and check under ‘Sex’ column to check out their grading on their skills on bed.
F - Fail
M - Merit

Car killed in Car Accident

2007-12-09T07:50:00.000-08:00